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Lately, in all of our prayer and worship times here we've been singing, “all I need is You, Lord, is You Lord; all I need is you.” I've sung this song before...

But, then the Lord began to ask me. “Sarah, is this really true?” I was going to reply, “Yes, Lord, it is.”

But, then...

I realized it wasn't.

I also need air conditioning.
I also need to sleep through the night.
I need to have no mosquitoes flying around me when I'm in the bathroom, or just sitting in my house. I need no cockroaches crawling on me when I sleep or take a shower. I need to not sweat and stink at all times. I need clean clothes. I need new clothes. I need to not have sweat pouring down my face while I'm teaching in school. I need to have some independence to be able to go off the base and not always in larger groups. I need to not have the electricity go our five times when I am watching a film. I need my food in the fridge to not go moldy because we only have electricity for half the day every day. I need it to not be so hot. I need to eat more fruits and vegetables. I need to be able to call my mom and tell her that I love her.

That's when it all started. Last week I called my family on Skype. My mom couldn't hear me, she kept saying, “I can't hear you Sarah! But, I just need to tell you that I love you so much.” She couldn't hear me say, that “I loved her too”. Then my sister got on the phone. For two hours we tried to talk. We got in about 20 minutes of talking, and that was mostly, “hello, can you hear me?” And the internet kept cutting out. My sister was able to talk to me, but every time I would try to talk to her, she couldn't hear, me and Skype would cut out. My sister, (Naomi) was telling me all about the kindness of the Lord, and there I was, sitting in the back of our school because that's the only place I could connect to the internet. I had sweat pouring down my face from the heat, and cockroaches and misquotes here and there around me. I wasn't feeling the kindness of the Lord right then.

That's when the Lord asked me. “Sarah, is it true that all you need is Me?”

“No, Lord”, I replied, “there are other things too.”

I cried all day and the next.

I didn't know that the Lord was actually working inside my heart.

First, as I began to share my frustrations and fears, others started opening up too. There seemed to be a softness come between myself and my friends.

And then... I was SO tired, but I decided to go to a particular prayer meeting we were having on Base one night. I was an hour and a half late (they were ending) but I had just finished teaching a ballet class to girls from the street so I hadn't been free to join earlier.

As I entered the prayer room they were all singing, “Here O Lord, have I prepared for You a home; long have I, desired for You to dwell; here oh Lord, have I prepared a resting place. Here O Lord, I wait for You alone.” I got on my knees and started weeping.

I have sung this song, and prayed this prayer, since I was a little girl.

This is still the desire of my heart.

The Lord began to soften my heart.

I keep reading the story of the lady in the Bible who came to Jesus, poured out expensive perfume on the feet of Jesus, and then washed His feet with her own hair.

The people around were so upset, and said, “what a waste of perfume!” They said things like, “there is so much good you can do with the money if she had just sold the perfume.” “What a waste.”

I keep thinking about this lady. Taking something of such value and pouring it on the feet of Jesus. I've decided it's because she knew who Jesus was. It wasn't a waste like the people around her thought.

Whatever, and whoever this lady was. She knew who Jesus was. She knew that the best thing she could do, is take all she had and pour it on at the feet of Jesus. She didn't stop there. She then washed His feet, with her own hair. Her precious hair. She washed the feet of Jesus.

I want to be like this lady.

I wrote in my journal yesterday. “Lord, I want you to be all I need. But, I am scared to say that out loud. Oh Wow. I just realized Lord that I have nothing to fear. If you really are all that I need, then even if I really have nothing else, it will be OK. I don't need to be afraid. Lord, I say, 'all I need is You.”

I realized that through these days the Lord has actually been having me fall more in love with Him. And then as I love Jesus more, I'm seeing His love for me. Actually, it's who Jesus is and His love for me, that makes me Love Him more and more.

Lord, I am amazed by You!

Lord Jesus, you are Good, You are Kind, You are Faithful, Your love is Steadfast. You are the Comforter, You are my Protector, You are my Friend, You are my Savior, You are the Lover of my soul, You are the Healer, You are the Redeemer, You are the one that sets the captives free, You are the Deliver, You are the Prince of Peace, the Lord of all Lords, You are the King of all Kings, You are the great I AM, You are the beginning and the end, You are always with me, You are my Provider, You are Holy, You are worthy, You are wonderful, You are beautiful, You are the warrior, You have already won the victory, you have all the power, You are Jesus, You are the Messiah, You are Christ, You are God Most High. And I love you!

Because You're Jesus. I love You.

 - Sarah Gilman -